i weigh like so much and I want to be like 140 ish by this time next year. I want to be skinny for prom.　

I’m going to do everything I can to lose a ton of weight this summer. What ever it takes, I’ll do it. I won’t eat and I’ll work out and play kinect and just be pretty and then this time next year, I can be all pretty and have a boyfriend and go to prom in a pretty dress and have fun.

Instead of being the fat lug I am now.　

I don’t believe in God, at all.

When my great grandma died though, I believed. Not because I actually believed but because I wanted to feel comfort in knowing she went somewhere. Somewhere that even if I don’t believe in, she did and that she’s there.

Is it possible for me to believe for other people but not for myself?

but every time I go to my ‘friends’ house she sits on her computer and talks to people on facebook. She used to yell at me if I went on my computer but I guess it’s fine if she does it.

I haven’t told anyone anything since the beginning of the school year. I miss how things used to be with me and my friends but after she got her licence and had class with her two new best friends and met a guy, I’ve been just a second option to hang out with.

I really hate myself and what I’ve become and I hate my friends and what they’ve become.

Personal

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You wanna know why girls take every little detail seriously? Because they’re scared that maybe they’re not good enough. They see other girls and think maybe, someone else will take their place. They look through every flaw that they can find. They get insecure. They’re afraid of getting hurt repeatedly. They have trust issues. We all have trust issues. Some people are fragile. They’re not  something that you should go around playing with and throw away when you’re done. They have feelings too.

I’m like a dog: When I do something good, my mom rewards me with food. Now when I do something good, I wait for food.

This is why I’m fat.

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